To Live
by Cheshire Catz
Summary: Told through Wendy's unsent letters and poetry to Peter Pan. See how Wendy's first love, and Neverland adventures have let her see the magic in her own world- Despite living alongside the pressures of society and growing up. Glimpse into her world, after Peter and Wendy said good-bye that whimsical winter's evening...and who she met along the way..
1. Cozy Kitchen

_**Chapter One**_

_**Cozy Kitchen**_

* * *

" _'You won't forget me will you?'_ I asked him, he turned to me and said _'Me? Never!'_ " I told Jane my thirteen year old daughter, cupping my hands over my heart as if taking an oath I uttered "a promise I would believe forever"

"Is this really true Mother?" Jane inquired quizzically her eye brows raising in disbelief, but her eyes wide with curiosity. She couldn't trick me - her mother, that she didn't care.

"Every word of it" I replied nodding. I was immune to my daughters remarks about Peter Pan - even if she didn't believe, I still kept the magic alive for Daniel. I was a mother and a wife now. Peter Pan was part of my child-hood, and I loved him so, but my world revolved around my own children now. Watching them grow up and helping them up when they fall.

We sat together as mother and daughter at the kitchen table. The fire was crackling in the grate, its warm cosy light spilling around the stony kitchen. Tea cups placed in front of us. Daniel my youngest was fast asleep upstairs, I opened up my old diary from 17 years ago and flipped through pages of my memories. My heart filled with nostalgic memories, memories I hoped my children would have. Finally I found the right double page, I wrote one blistering winter's night exactly one year after Peter had returned my brothers and I back home. I read to Jane:

_"The night wind air turned cold much too fast, and winter was upon us.. "_  
_"Summer could not last."_  
_" A winter so cold, and long"__"You are gone, and with your absence I feel you have taken the sun.._

_"The birds have fled.."_

_ Oh Peter, tis' cold I dread!" _

"I was rather dramatic during adolescence " I confessed with a laugh, I could feel my eyes smiling and my cheeks getting warm with bashfulness.

"Mother, why do the entries start with _'Dear Peter'_ are they letters" Jane asked slowly.

"Yes, they are letters" I agreed the fire popped loudly embers spluttering out on the floor.

"I would pretend to write letters to him" I explained showing her the entries, "Of course, I could never send them. Unfortunately, I'm afraid '_second star to the left and straight on to morning_', isn't a valid address"

Just then the kettle whistled and hissed indicating that the water inside had boiled and was bubbling over. Shooting up, I took the brass pot off the fire with the oven glove and filled both of our tea cups.

"Oh Jane, could you please get the milk, it's on the side" I asked getting a face full of steam, Jane brought the milk over to the table. I noted how tall she was getting. Once set, I continued reading:

_"Dear sweet Peter I've missed you so, I keep the window open, but my brain is saying 'No'_  
_Oh dear sweet peter time is running short, and logic is being taught."_

I looked up at my daughter's confused face her pretty blue eyes wide and reflecting the candle light.

"Oh, I went to a very strict boarding school" I tried to explain the horrors involved in my childhood education "The school taught strict etiquette, from a_ delightfully_ young age" I sang, and I read a passage from my seven-year old self. Wincing at the spelling and doing my best to make out the letters.

_"Oh no! Here they cume, with their books, and tests."_  
_"Soupority and athority labeled on their chests."_  
_"Oh, that's okay they have tea."_  
_"What..! No suger for me?"_

Jane laughed sipping at her tea. My heart melted, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile was a rarity. Combination of the war, and being a teenage girl had brought forth Jane's reserved nature.

_"'Your appeerunse is inkredeblee importunt, how are you going to find a sooitible husband?'"_  
_"The ladee said to me."_  
_" ' I won't marry!' " I told that witch!_

_"Then.. I sorre her lefte eye twitch."_

_" 'With a wooden stick, she slappde my palm, and told me i'd live in a barn!' "_  
_"That witch! that witch! that stoopid ugly witch with the schoopid left eye twitch!"_  
_"Uh-oh this was staje two of growing up..you must sip your tea and shut-up!_

Jane stared at me, astonished that her mother, who preaches respect to adults had written such a thing.

"The woman was a horror" I said flatly, not encouraging such language and I dissapeared behind my teacup. Jane smirked, also hiding behind _her_ cup of tea.

"That night I went to the window, and whispered rather oddly to the stars.. hoping they would deliver my message to Peter" I recalled shrugging at my foolishness, "I told them" and then I read off the paper:

_"Dear Peter, Peter! I'm drincking sugerless tea and the magic is diffikult to see!"_

"No sugar in your tea!" Jane teased jokingly, "Such a tragedy!"

"Indeed" agreeing lightly as I slid the sugar jar towards me. Inside the jar the sugar cubes caught the candle light and gleamed delicately like snow balls in the sun. I plopped two sugar cubes into my cup of tea, Jane did the same. As I stirred I watch the cubes dissolve into the creamy brown whirl pool. I then sipped at my beverage, the sweetness warming me. My guilty pleasure!

"Such fond memories.." I sighed as I melted into another sip of tea.

I closed my diary feeling they were much too personal to share with my young daughter. Perhaps one day I would share with her my other poems from my youth, but tonight was not the night. So instead we chatted about light, joyous topics and watched a flurry of winter's snow cascade in front of the window waltzing with the wind..

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**Did you enjoy? I hope you did. xoxoxo - Cheshire Catz... _meow. _**


	2. Morning Light

**_Chapter Two_**

**_Morning Light _**  


* * *

Sunday Morning, and a morning glow seeped through the lattice curtains - which graced every window in the house. Hidden in the garden, a song bird sung gleefully away in the rose bushes. The Darling family were sleeping, and as usual Daniel would be the first to wake. All was still, simply alive..and breathing. In the kitchen - the fire was burnt out, and sitting on the table was Wendy's diary.

_Dear Peter, I'm older than you now._

_You may ask, how?_

_Well, Peter you never came back!_

_I was to wear my hair in an uncomfortable tight bun,_

_keep my complexion fair, and never see the golden sun!_

_At night I sat in the lonely nursery, _

_I would see the moon like ivory._

_...I waited.. and I waited..and suddenly I realized: _

_Growing up could no longer be belated._

_I have to grow up. _

_Oh, did society give a great "Whoop!"_

_Another person to programme and change. _

_All because of my age.._

**_I did rebel._**

_And, I've another story to tell._

...

_One stormy summers eve,_

_A thunderstorm rolled in over the ocean, and I ran out onto that little beach. _

_" ' **Freedom** ' " was the only word shouted in my speech_

_The further I strayed, I realized I was living in the shade_

_I was caught in a world of reality and dreams. _

_Living or tailored dress seams?_

_A storm wind so strong, my hat went flying!_

_Before long, my sash I was un-tying! _

_During my chase I ripped my tailored dress seams,_

_I knew it was time to live out **my** dreams._

_I ran and skipped along the sand, no lady like gloves graced my hand!_

_I was free, concealed by the darkened sky_

_I could fly!_

_This, was my ultimate carefree high!_

_I was free and alone,_

_my life free of mono-tone!_

_I mocked the ongoing tea parties as I ran_

_A mocking smirk,_

_"Oh dear me, it seems I've dropped my expensive fan!" _

_My world was suddenly bright,_

_and for some reason I knew I was going to be alright._

_I was ready, and grew up did she._

_.._

_... Soon the storm subsided, to a light summer's rain._

_and I headed back home down that country lane.._

_.._

The morning birds whistled - in celebration of the new day.

* * *

**Author's Note: ...hmmpf... I really don't know where this is heading. xoxox**


	3. Playwright Ideas - Her Stolen Freedom

**_Playwright ideas; J.M Barrie _**

**_Requirements of Actress for Wendy in this scene: around the age of 17, must be fit enough to run and jump around in this scene. _**

_**In this scene: Wendy discovers she does need to conform to what society expects of her**._

* * *

_"Dearest Peter, _  
_The world is strange, especially since I'm living in this time of growth_  
_and change "_

The brook babbled along with the final bird songs of the day. Another day was drawing to an end, not long before night would close around England in her shadowy beauty. Wendy's strokes of the pen along the paper were lost amongst the sounds of nature, the choir of the spring birds and the breathing of the wind. Pausing in thought Wendy would ocassionally glance at the water. In the reflective surface she saw fragments of the firey dance of the setting sun being swirled up by the running water. Inhaling the summer's air, which was sweet with the scent of summer flowers. Wendy set the pen down, and simply let herself become intoxicated with the sunset's magic.  
Wendy had not forgotten Peter Pan, and often found herself thinking about him during inbetween times. When the hour was not yet night, she thought of Peter when the sun was setting, or if she woke early, and the day had not yet begun and not had not yet passed, she thought of him then. It was as if Peter existed in the sparking embers of a sunset or the final stars of the night, never in a certain time. As she sat by the river, she thought of Peter.

_"Dearest Peter, the stage is set to act two, scene three,_  
_So here I go:_  
_We have passed the point of "Do shut-up child, and do drink your tea"_  
_Action!_  
_The stage - my world, is now set up for marriage._  
_I'm shaking,_  
_..Like Cinderella in her "Just Married" carriage_  
_I scream!_  
_My parents are looking for "Suitable, Suitors" I'm only seventeen!_  
_Do they hear me!?_  
_I have so dreams, and there is just so much I haven't seen!_  
_Peter, won't you rescue me?_  
_Peter Pan you're only a child, but you're my best friend_  
_Make it stop!_  
_Me and marriage? Oh, I fear this is the end!_

_I'm drowning_  
_I'm dying in white lace, and perfume._  
_Rescue me,_  
_I'll forever be bound to tidying and sweeping the spare room_  
_trapped_  
_\- a literal slap to the face._

_I don't want this yet, please parents listen_  
_Why can't they see?_  
_Peter, come and rescue me._  
_Father, listen to me_  
_Mother tell them_  
_Brother's shout and scream_  
_Wake me from this ugly dream_  
_Somebody needs to listen to me._  
_Somebody free me_  
_Mother? Father? John? Micheal?_  
_Peter? ... Tinkerbell?_  
_Anybody?_

* * *

_**Notes**: " Evening, a clear sky revealing a streaked sun-set, magical, land, an artist's dream night. The type of evening that inspires budding writers and poets. A Ball occurring but not in celebration of anything, merely a business party. Guests are middle/upper class people of "importance" ... violins, various string instruments, soft piano music, and gentle gold lighting.. People waltzing with one another, all in their best clothes (formal wear) ... two wide doors are open to the garden. A beautiful well manicured garden, with rose bushes and all sorts of flowers all perfectly asleep in their beds. The garden is darker, more mysterious though not threatening. Hedges placed in a maze like structure, and a fountain bubbling to the right"_

* * *

Wendy slipped away from the ball and escaped into the garden. She straightened out her skirts, and gave a great sigh of relief as she was finally free to breathe. Looking up, a gasp flew from Wendy's parted lips.

"My.." whispered Wendy taking in her ethereal surroundings.

She was standing in an enchanted garden, with shrubs and hedges enclosing the area. Path ways cut through flower beds of bright yellow daffodils, blood-red roses, and various wild flowers. To Wendy's left was a trickling stream which entwined around rocks and gushed into a pond. Just over the pond was a sweet little bridge which led into another section of the garden.

Why! Wendy wouldn't be surprised if the hanging lanterns, were in fact fairies flying to and fro. The girl filled her lungs with fresh air, finally feeling alive. With dreamy eyes and an equally as dreamy smile, she looked back to the party. It was almost funny how the short distance between Wendy and the party made her problems appear small. In fact, the ball looked perfectly golden from the garden's view - The golden light spilling from the windows combined with the orchestra was warm and festive. Children skittered about the dessert tables reaching for chocolate sponge. Underneath the great chandelier, Wendy watched clusters of guests talk and laugh among themselves. The chandelier's crystals were glittering in brilliant arrays of crystallized light and fell along the dancing couples.

It simply looked like room holding a sweet little birthday party, full of content souls.

"Oh, what an illusion!" rolling her eyes in aghast Wendy stamped her foot.

For the view from the garden failed to see the judgement etched in each guest's face. Failed to hear the cruel words uttered in the gossiping circles, and the boredom and lack of imagination in the children's eyes.

"Lies, upon lies, what has my life become?"

However, she didn't have any time to ponder her question nor really wished for an answer. For a new wave of music suddenly erupted into the garden - signalling a new waltz. Wendy struck with the sudden realization that somebody will be wishing to dance with her. Her stomach gave a great lurch at the thought of enduring another dance with a complete and utter stranger. She couldn't take anymore clammy hands or small-talk. So without hesitation, that unbridled girl kicked her high-heels off her throbbing feet, and ran barefoot into the labyrinth of garden hedges.

_..Her heart pounding like hooves against cobblestones_

_Wendy's curls fell from their pins.._

_Was it happening?_

_"Oh Wendy!" she heard distant calls behind her, "Where are you child?"_

_Ungraceful chortles escaped her mouth.._

_Yes, it as happening again._

_Her cheeks were flushing with joy.._

_Voices were fading away.._

_Lip-stick fading.._

_Flowers intoxicating.._

_Neverland to earth?_

_Her stockings staining with grass.._

Wendy ran as far as she possibly could through the maze, turning sharply at corners. Bracing herself for merely the air that would glide over her face. She was alone in the garden and was not afraid of colliding with anybody.

"Imagination!" she huffed between steps "Oh,freedom"

_Running deeper and deeper into this ocean of green and shadowy plants..her imagination was returning.._

_this was a jungle.._

_A jungle.._

_A bird fluttered in the trees overhead, a dragon in disguise. _

_A dragon._

_A fish leapt through the water.. a mermaid simply swimming in the murky pond._

_A mermaid._

_A bird called in the distance.._

_and Indian's Battle Cry _

_A battle_

_It was all coming back to her... _

_She had to run, she had to flee, she had to go_

_GO_

_GO!_

_Now Wendy!_

_yes_

_the pirates were after her.. _

_The mermaids would drown her.._

_The dragon would eat her.._

_They we're coming after her and the lost boys.._

_Fight or flight_

_Fight or flight, Wendy_

"Hmm" Wendy hummed as she fell to a light walk, "What an odd-looking tree"

A tall slender tree stood wistfully ahead, so tall and lush it seemed to sweep the sky with it's leaves. The tree's branches unmarred rods of silver, and these silver rods sprouted from the tree's trunk and positioned in a twisting design. Strong silver branches descending to the ground in the fashion of a spiral stair case.

"What a beautiful tree" rephrased Wendy strolling over to it, she touched the branch. It was cool against her hot finger tips and smooth. A tingle of life flitted through Wendy upon touching the tree, along with memories of Peter Pan.

_"Come away.. come away to Never Land" t_he boy said to her, and now it was as if the tree were inviting her to climb into the sky.

Hastily Wendy scoped the area, "Nobody in sight"

Awkwardly Wendy fumbled around with her dress, hiking it up to her ankles. Placing a foot on a low branch and a hand on branch higher up, and she gasped at the ease of climbing - after all these years.

"Oh my! This is easier than I thought" chuckling she made it half way up the tree, sun light was streaming through the leaves in iridescent whispers.

The further Wendy strayed from Earth, the more a child-like nature came over her.

"I'm a fearless warrior, clad in a pretty pink dress" she bellows from the tree tops, "My dress is so magical, that it can burst into butterfly wings" laughing at her silly remarks, her heart was beating with giddiness.

_Too late to go back down now.._

_Keep going Wendy!_

_You're almost there.._

"With my weapon of wit and my formal fan, I can wave and flutter away the darkness and charm the enemy with my clever words" breathlessly she grabbed for another branch a bead of sweat forming at her neck

_To the sky!_

_Look, you can fly!_

"Words that tell the tale of Peter Pan, magic, faith, trust and pixie-dust" the branches tugged at her dress, "When the enemy is perfectly stunned in fascination, the time is right to throw my tea-cup across the room gleefully, take back my life and with my butterfly wings I will away"

_Don't you dare look down_

_Keep flyin- I mean climbing!_

A sudden and rare dose of freedom, drove the seventeen year old Wendy..to what some may call madness, but Wendy called it dreaming. She inhaled sharply unable to take in needed oxygen given her restraining corset. For a brief moment she believed she was going to faint and fall from the tree.. Pausing and perched bird-like in the tree, she let her heart-rate returned to to look down in fear of falling, she rose her face towards the sky and was ready to take on the tree.

A slip here, a squeal there, snapping branches, birds flying away, she was almost at the top.

"Come on Wendy, one more branch!" she encouraged herself looking up "Climb to the last branch, and you will have successfully conquered the garden!"

_Don't slip.._

_Don't fall!_

_Peter won't be there to catch you this time. _

Though her corset restrained her sides, and her dress was heavy Wendy gripped the last branch and hoisted herself up. She had made it to the sky, only the golden tapestry of the sky surrounded her. Miles of sky surrounded her, and below she saw only England's green pastures - and endless sea of green. She was so high up, she could not see the town, for she was even higher than the London Smog. A chilled wind whipped around her, Wendy chuckled, balancing her weight on her bare feet, and holding to the sturdy trunk. Her auburn locks were dancing with the wind - wild and free.

"I hear by declare this garden conquered!" Wendy screetched to the clouds,

_I'm so proud of you!_

_Peter would be so proud of you!_

Triumphed and a little light-headed Wendy gave a great cry of defeat, and her cries quickly reduced to excited hysterics. It was so taboo of her to do something like this, so unrefined, so masculine - but she didn't care! Her yelps of joy echoed over England and rattled the stars that were blooming in the sky. Into the sky she shouted:

"Wendy Moira Angela Darling here by reclaims her life! " a diamond of power sparkled in her eyes and she looked at the poem crumpled up in her hand.

_..Oh no..rip that poem up! Don't let it become yourself fufilling prophecy_

_"_I c- can't.." Wendy stammered, suddenly feeling afraid of being her own hero.

_Wendy rip it up!_

"I don't know if I can-"

_For God's sake Wendy, rip that poem up!_

Poem in hand she crumpled it up, and held the crumpled mess in her hand and illogically she whispered "If the wind blows it away..then I'll know it'll be the right thing to do"

The poem teetered in her hand.. and suddenly a laughing wind stole the crumple from her hand and ran with it.

_It's for you're own good_

"How could I have been so weak?" Wendy thought remembering her pleas to be rescued like a damsel in distress, and suddenly she whispered "No"

_You're stronger than this..come on now endy! You're life was just beginning, don't believe what you wrote.. You fought pirates Wendy in Neverland, now you're fighting society. Don't believe these conditioned lies. _

"no.. No.. NO!" her voice escalated with truth, "I can rescue myself"

_Again! _

"And I do NOT need rescuing!" her declaration was booming with pride, and so loud her statement was heard from the townspeople below. More cheering exploded from Wendy.

_**HUZZAH!** _

A warm feeling of accomplishment bubbled in the girl, the wind rippled her dress as if congratulating her for her success and the sun-set glowed brighter. The poem was rolling about somewhere in the streets of London.

Oblivious to the whereabouts of her poem, seventeen year old Wendy looked upon the world - while she savored her stolen moment of freedom.

* * *

_**Notes:** The wind whips at her hair in victory._


End file.
